today was nice. i cleaned up the apartment. did some laundry. dishes. manuel came over to put some music on his ipod. he has weird music taste. i know my taste has changed but i know what good music is. i like everything and i dont listen to everything all the time but i know whats good. he likes like rapbut weird rap and i dunno what to call it. but thats ok. he's only 15. or something. maybe its a phase. he cusses a lot. not in person but on myspace and stuff. its weird cuz i could actually unerstamd in person moer then like typing it out. cuz maybe ur really upset and it accidently comes out.. but its not an accident when u type it. i dunno. i guess i just dont like cussing. i made this stuff i havent made before, manuel and tim said they liked it but i didnt.. it was gross. it tasted like hamburger helper and i hate hamburger helper. when i was cooking, timmy was helping manuel download songs to his ipod but he came over to me and said "lets just do it" it being get married. Ive been stressed out about budget and expenses and he said he has the money and we should just get married. he just kept saying he wants to and we should just do it. He said alli have to do is figure out how much everything will cost. i still need to find a job tho. he said not to worry about paying half or anything but i still want to try. i wish things were how they were a long time ago. when the parents paid for the wedding. heh. thatd be soo much easier. even half. or something. you know what i realized today. my mom is such a jerk. my dad owes me and my brother child support up until were bth 18. well he didnt pay for like ever. and has only paid a few times here and there over the years.. so he still owes and will probably end up owing up until Im like 30. and with the little amount he HAS sent jason or me.. my mom decides what she wants to do with it. like. he sent $200 about a month ago. and my mom said " i wanted to give u $100 and jason $100 but i didnt get a check this month so here's $50." and its like.. she the way she does it was in a note like SHE was giving me a gift. and its so dumb because it wasnt from her, its from my dad. and it wasnt even the whole amount. so its like she wanted me to be grateful for ripping me off. uhg. it pisses me off. and i cant say anything nooow. cuz it happened last month. its like i understand u dont have money, but u cant go around taking peoples child support. YOU chose the "nonprofit" job. Its not my fault your not making money. I could MAYBE understand if i was 16 still and living at home and she didnt have a check that month so she used it to pay for like groceries and stuff. cuz i lived there and she would be feeding me and stuff u know? but i dont live there! i am not benefiting off of it. And i dont even get why she needed it. she Just got a bunch of new crap. a new pair of really cute glasses. a new phone. new this new that. she buys buys buys and is still selfish enough to take her childrens money. Its making me mader as i type. i need to talk to someone. a lawyer or something cuz that just cant be right. I should be getting that money sent to me. Im over 18. Im an adult and thats money Im entitled to. and Jason too. CHILD support. not mother support. ..anyways.. i took manuel home and me and tim watched saving silverman. after that tim showed me how to change the oil on the sentra. we got dressed in his work clothes and we got all greasy. i like working on cars with timmy. Ive had guys "teach" me how to work on a car before. but their idea of teaching is to have me hold the light. timmy says what to do and then has me do it. and he doesnt make me feel like a helpless girl. one of timmys friends has a garage next to his house with a car rack thing. and he does side jobs in it. i told timmy that would be soo cool if when we got our own place, we had that kind of thing too. and he said i could help.