Listening to: AFI
Feeling: torn
hi all.
thursday was ok. went to school. keyboaring was gay. theres a girl in that class.... i think she wants to be my friend but im so dumb.. i dunno what to say... "so um.. nice keyboard" lol i guess theres lots too say but its all pretty gay at the time. so basically i remain a loner. in other news.. english sucked and i was bored. andres saw me but i didnt see him. lol. i tried to prtend like i didnt see andres cuz i did.. it was weird and i wanted to pee my pants and cry. no really. what else? it rained. timmy looks cute in the rain. all gangsters look cute in the rain.
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today was.. weird.
work was ok.. they had SOOOmuch work for me today. its never been so crazy in one day. I was on my feet the whole time. and i still didnt finish everything.
i had a bad day and when i got home and a crappy day turned crappier. i just wanted to take a shower. thats all. It was freeezing in my house.. so i wanted to turn on the heater for about 10 minutes to warm things up before i got naked.. i mean cmon.. its cold. my brother was in the hall and i asked him to turn off the heater in 10 minutes. but he was a jerk and started yelling at me about the bill and blah.. over 10 minutes of heat? what the heck? anyways. long story short... he was being ajerk and wouldnt turn it on and he was standing in front of it like a little kid.. and when i got close he would hit me. not like playing.. i can handle that crap.. but he was actually mad and trying to hurt me. and so i pinched him really hard and he came at me all crazy and elbowed me in the chest and well.. he raised his hand to me and i got scared and threw a vase at him. i didnt mean to. it was the first thing i saw... it was an instant reaction. the vase broke. i almost hit him. i dont think i was aiming at him tho. just wwanted to scare him.. i mean its scary.. he is bigger than me... growing up and being beat up all the time is one thing cuz it was playful even at its worst. but we were angry with each other and he is a grown man who actually thinks theres nothing wrong with hitting a girl.. i know i shouldnt have thrown anything. im not the throwing type.. if anything.. if something is so crazy i just cant handle it.. i'll scream... but throw things? i dunno what happened. i was so stressed out today and i guess i couldnt handle that... all of it. it wasnt even a big thing.. the heat thing. i mean i wouldnt have even bothered if i knew he'd flip out like a freak.. but still. he shouldnt have touched me at all. i mean.. my dad beat my mom. and when my mom came home today she started yelling at me and blaming me for everything.. siding wit jason on everything and i said he was hitting me and she said i was instigating him. first of all. no. i wasnt. and second, if i was.. suck it up. he's a big boy he needs to learn that not everyone is going to lick the crap off his shoes.. i sure as heck am not. i could blink at him wrong and he feels the ned to show me "who's boss" im so sick of always being wrng even when im right just because im smaller and defensless.
hung out with tim. donovan went home. tim doesnt understand pants. and neither do i. neither do i. tim made me dinner :)
the kids in the house behind mine are so noisy. which is fine.. if they werent so freaking annoying. they arent like even funny or anything cool and awesome.. they just sit there and talk about gay things and giggle at stupid jokes. kids.
im tired.
i love tim. i do. i do.
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