emmy rossum- slow me down
rushing and racing and running in circles
moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
getting nowhere
my head and my heart are colliding chaotic
pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart
save me
somebody take my hand and lead me
slow me down
don't let love pass me by
just show me how
cause I'm ready to fall
slow me down
don't let me live a lie
before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down
sometimes I fear that I might disappear
in the blur of fast forward I falter again
forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere
all that I've missed I see in the reflection
pass me while I wasn't paying attention
tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart
tell me
oh won't you take my hand and lead me
slow me down
don't let love pass me by
just show me how
cause I'm ready to fall
slow me down
don't let me live a lie
before my life flies by
i need you to slow me down
just show me
i need you to slow me down
slow me down
slow me down
the noise of the world is getting me caught up
chasing the clock and i wish i could stop it
just need to breathe
somebody please
slow me down
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so basically. j asked me something like why me and tim didnt work out or something. or i dont know.. it just came up. and i said that it was the moving in thing. and a lot of stuff but one thing i mentioned was how timmy made me feel really unwanted and really unattractive a lot of the time because he just didnt initiate anything. and in the old apartment.. a lot of the time he would just sleep. and even if i tried to initiate things like.. if he was going to get in the shower and i would be like.. oh i'll come too and he'd be like.. no i'll just be like 5 minutes.. and it was like.. weird. for a while i thought he was kinda gay. or maybe he just thought i was that gross and ugly. but after i told j... he said that usually when guys lose intrest in a girl its because they have someone else. andddd i defended tim to the max saying no way. he's not like that. blah blah blah. and when and how? and who? but.. i dont know. he put a nagging thought in my head.. what if??? what if he did? that bastard. like not once or twice but like a lot and for a while? cuz he could and then! i started thinking more.. and i realized.. why did he go to thousand oaks?? seriously.. and why did he come home soo late?? and why didnt he EVER really want to fool around with me?? because he didnt need to. it hurts guys if they do it too much in a day and i bet thats why he didnt want to. its all coming together. thats why he didnt care when we broke up. thats why he wanted me to go. "im hurting on the inside" my butt. and he's just out there. having sex right now. yup. with his stupid tramp side girlfriend. the reason he didnt want to marry me. bastard.
or something. i dont know. i would just like to talk to him. I mean yeah i messed up but IM HONEST ABOUT IT. I told him. guys are soo selfish. I just need to hear him say it. so at least i dont feel like the whole 2 years was a waste cuz yeah maybe he did have someone else but at least he was still a good person an honest person. but if he wasnt then why did i love him at all??? i hate this. why isnt he answering his stupid phone?
________________________________________________________
i dont know what im doing..
but when do i ever?
i dont think I'm ever going to get the hang out it. or understand boys. I mean guys think girlsare the confusing ones?
i mean. i went on a date last night with jason. annnd it was good. fine great. butt. i dont know. we went to dinner. we sat on the beach.. and such. and then the tim thing came up and it just kept popping into my head randomly the rest of the night.
and i dont know.. i feel really obnoxious. but on the way home... i called him because i wanted to know. and he wouldnt answer and i mean.. im going on dates. amd i didnt know what he was doing or who he wwas with soo... i made up that whole story up above.. i tried to sleep. i couldnt. so in the middle of the night i got up and went over there. i figured.. if he isnt there.. im sleeping in that comfortable bed that i helped pay for. its mine too. and also.. i kind of slightly assumed he'd be there eventually and we could talk. but he never got there and turns out he just went to laughlin with his service advisor to some lake. if he's telling the truth. who knows. i just want to talk and he wont call me. i need to talk. what is soo bad about talking? we didnt do this part. im not really sure what that part really includes. but im sure talking is a key factor. yeah. for sure.
and if he really is in laughlin and he doesnt have a tramp gf on the side.. then what the heck? is he gay? no. am i awful? probably.
he just never loved me at all.
laughlin is like a billion hours away... what the heck. its like 7 hours away. who goes to laughlin anyways? theres bigger lakes way closer. what a waste of time.
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we were happy once.
i dont ever want to lose anything that meant so much to me. stilll does. i just want to freeze the good times like pictures, and replace the stillframe me with actual me.. and hang out for a bit. remembering how it felt to be normal. feeling loved.
i guess we deserve a little tribute before we are erased from memory completely...
timmyfryfry: o cwap this is just like the movie
pooinmyboot: make a decisioN!!!!! or u will be cut into little squares and sold on ebay
timmyfryfry: hehe ok ok ill eat the pickles
timmyfryfry (6:45:44 PM): hehe what are you gonna do tonight
pooinmyboot (6:46:15 PM): nuffin
timmyfryfry (6:46:53 PM): darn well jeeze i havent even seen u all day
pooinmyboot (6:47:14 PM): :-(
timmyfryfry (6:47:32 PM): yeah i bummmmed out
pooinmyboot (6:47:41 PM): u bummed?
pooinmyboot (6:47:44 PM): how does one bum?
timmyfryfry (6:48:10 PM): haha i am not to sure
pooinmyboot (6:49:00 PM): well i bet its crazy hot
pooinmyboot (6:49:03 PM): :-P
timmyfryfry (6:49:57 PM): haha i think it is what you did to me when we were walking into the grocery store last nite
pooinmyboot (6:50:33 PM): lol o ok
pooinmyboot (6:50:39 PM): so i was right
pooinmyboot (6:50:43 PM): totally hot
timmyfryfry (6:50:47 PM): oooo yeas
timmyfryfry (6:50:50 PM): yeah
timmyfryfry (6:52:00 PM): so what would you say about us maybe hanging out tonight
pooinmyboot (6:52:36 PM): i'd say "iight"
pooinmyboot (6:52:54 PM): and then i'd flashu a gangster sign like no other
timmyfryfry (6:53:20 PM): haha u got nuffin on me westSIDE
pooinmyboot (6:53:39 PM): 8-)word
timmyfryfry (6:53:50 PM): haha
timmyfryfry (6:53:56 PM): nice shades
pooinmyboot (6:58:25 PM): yeah idunno.. no one tells me anything
timmyfryfry (6:58:34 PM): aww ill tell u somethin
pooinmyboot (6:58:51 PM): :-)
pooinmyboot (6:58:52 PM): ok
timmyfryfry (6:59:47 PM): youre gorgeous and im gonna come and give u a biiiigggggg mushy kiss k?
timmyfryfry: hehe
pooinmyboot: hee
timmyfryfry: :-[
timmyfryfry: blushing
pooinmyboot: hehe shrubbers dont blush
pooinmyboot: the distillers!
timmyfryfry: haha who are they
timmyfryfry: i dont think they are real u made them up
pooinmyboot: lol yeaaaaaaah
pooinmyboot: sometimes i like to make up bands in my head
pooinmyboot: and fake songs
timmyfryfry: hehe
pooinmyboot: and obsess over them
timmyfryfry: do do do
pooinmyboot: its fun
timmyfryfry: umm so do i even get the privelege of seeing you at all today?
pooinmyboot: would u like to?
timmyfryfry: umm yeah just kind of a lot actually
pooinmyboot: ur so gangster
pooinmyboot: its not even funny
pooinmyboot: nope. not one bit.
timmyfryfry: haha yea watch out for me
timmyfryfry: im thugged out
pooinmyboot: haha u have to get some bling so people will know
timmyfryfry: haha ok ill be iced out like a glass of tea
pooinmyboot: haha but
pooinmyboot: what about hot tea??
timmyfryfry: haha well that just isnt gangster
timmyfryfry (8:17:36 PM): your bunny and hamster could make babies and we will call them...hammies
pooinmyboot (8:17:44 PM): hehehehe
timmyfryfry (8:17:53 PM): or maybe bunsters
timmyfryfry: lol well oookkkk i guess i am pretty tired so have a wonderful night see you tomorrow
pooinmyboot: k have fun sleeping
pooinmyboot: without me
pooinmyboot: and all alone
pooinmyboot: in ur cold cold bed
timmyfryfry: awww cwap
:]
just moving in. Christmas. Happiness.
Manuel, Me, Timmy.
When things couldn't slow down..
bed sheets, thermals, and kissy faces.
thats what i said...
we were cute :]
we had funnn.
naps, lemonade stand, and bleached hair
lakes in the rain.
engagement photos...
:]
"And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
'Cause I love you no?
Can't help but love you, know..."
- frou frou - breath in