OK I FINALLY decided on a final concept for my website. I really did. I'm not going to change it this time. At least not drastically. Its so much better. usually i hate everything i do (for myself). I've done a few things for others that I don't hate but this is the first thing I've done for myself that i really think is "okay"! And that's good. Because my taste is way better than my skills so I don't ever expect anything I do to be "great" in my eyes. I am working on it locally but I might put it online soon.. Its done with a jquery plugin. I hadn't used jquery before and i love it. no need to create a mobile site when you use the grid. its amazing. I definitely have a lot.. a lot.. to learn but from what I've seen so far I don't see why i wouldnt use jquery for every future site i create. its so easy and looks modern. And I'm also getting better with the pen tool in illustrator and learning new techniques with shading and gradients and whatknot. I hadn't been that great at it before.. well ok i sucked. like very much.

my diy project today is a long curtain rod for under $10 to go across the long window in the living room. So far I spent less than 5. I need to go get some end supplies at the craft store. I like making things.

My cousin Renee is out to visit from Missouri! Can't wait to see her. My mom picked her up and then she went to grandmas. She stayed an extra night so I'm going to see her tomorrow.I haven't been expecting anything. I do that now. My expectations are that she will make time to see me 1 day.. so if she wants to see me more thats cool but I really don't expect it. Idk maybe its really cynical but thats just how I have to think lately or people disappoint me. I don't take anything anyone says seriously.. if I make plans with someone i don't expect them to follow through any more. I don't take anything with more than a grain of salt. of course if she does want to hang out more that's great and we will have fun because I am fun.

Lately i feel like my life can be summed up with the scene from breakfast club where molly ringwald puts make up on ally sheedy.. and alley sheedy says "why are you being so nice to me?" and molly ringwald is like "because you're letting me".. (Just reverse it because i am much more of an ally sheedy than ringwald.) I just don't udnerstand why its so hard for people to accept niceness. Let me be nice and don't be weird about it.. I'm not doing this or that because I want something.. we're friends or family.. just let me love you. I suck at words. I suck at looking into your eyes and somehow telling you without words how much you mean to me like others seem to do a lot. This is how I show love.. with gifts.. with acts of service.. with time (sometimes).. that's all i have. i could write a letter but it would turn into a novel and if i try to keep it short it sounds fake.