So. Yesterday after my appointment i went to Walmart and micheals. I am making a huge wall map to get a better idea of my route.. and honestly ive just always wanted to..

since I needed the car tim was going to have to get a ride home from someone because he rode to work with Bryan but Bryan was leaving after work to go to blythe for his interview tomorrow. (Which actually ended up being pushed to next week but we didnt know yet) So i was around so I told him i would just pick him up. But right after he sent the address.. my phone dies. Grrr. Luckily i used to work by a street over there.. it's been 7 years but I found it. So i get there and I have no idea where to go. I park and see 2 dudes. I'm about to get out of the car and ask one of them if they know where tim is and then i see jasper. So i followed him in and tim walks out. But then he takes me back in to see jess, one of the supervisors. I met him when tim first started and he said he is always asking about me. He's funny. I met his other supervisors too. It was weird. Jess said this thing he always says.. "when are you going to dump this guy?" A thing to say right now. I think i just laughed.

Things with tim's work are crazy. He went in this morning to tell them he would accept compton ETR. But they told him the class just filled so he has to wait for the next one in a few weeks.. which is kind of good because now it's not like he is locked into this decision. He has until the next class starts to decide now. He said a few more jobs are closing and he's like numbers 3 or 4 or something so he might close on something else or better before he has to decide. But after talking about it.. which I think is kind of pointless.. it has nothing to do with me.. but he wanted my opinion. I was against compton completely but he said it's not as bad an area as people think and we wouldn't have to live there. The thing that changed my mind was that all his supervisors love him and they were all telling him it's a great base because it's a headquarters and he'll be seen more and tim said ETRs in compton make more than other bases because of all the work. So unless he gets like valencia or simi valley i think he should stick with that base. He agrees but idk. I don't think i should be a part of major decisions right now. He doesn't agree with that. Idk why all of a sudden my opinions actually matter. Not that they didn't before but.. not really. Not where it counts. I would argue my opinion to a point but at the end of the day tim is my husband and as a wife i would trust his decision. It sounds worse than it is. I mean when only 1 decision can be made someone has to make it. And he's supposed to be the leader. Of course i want to be heard though. I haven't felt heard in a long time. Being a wife is humbling. It's hard not reeally being heard. And now it's like all he wants is my opinion. I think it's just because of everything going on. If i wasn't leaving would he care? Does that even matter anymore?

On a lighter note... I fit in my super skinny jeans. They're a little tight but.. these aren't just my skinny jeans... no sir.. these are jeans i bought when i was like 18 and refused to get rid of. It's fantastic. This whole losing weight thing started from stress and stress alone. I lost about 5 pounds from stress at the beginning of the month. Then another 5 from no appetite. And then I was like.. i wonder what would happen if i worked out and when that happens it just falls off like nothing. I haven't worked out in a few days because ive been getting sick this week and now im in the middle of being sick.. idk what it is my body is weak and achy.. i have a headache and my throat is on fire. It hurts to swallow and breath. But I was working out everyday before this and i felt better and it happened fast. In a month with really light exercise started half way through i went from 125 to 112. i dont know why i was so reluctant to work out before. It's easy to do a little every day.

About my trip.. after many talks with bryan things changed a bit. Instead of starting on the west in Spain and going east i decided it'd be better to start in the east and go west. The north east. Like in Denmark because it's already going to be getting cold and I don't want it to be freezing when i go to the crooked forest :) i cannot wait to sit on a j shaped tree and read a book or take a nap. And pictures of course. There is a castle hostel in Germany i want to stay at.. it's only 17 euro a night which isn't too bad. I want to go to Stonehedge and sit on the lay lines. I want to go to the waterfalls in Croatia. I want to get a waffle from belgium hehe. I want to go to the largest waterpark in the world in Germany. Germany has a lot of cool stuff like castles but what i really want to do is tree camping. Theres a too much to write everything i want to do.. thats why I'll be gone so long. I kind of wanted to go to Sweden too because my grandpa is from there and i thought it'd be cool to bring him back something. I should see him before I go. I don't know how long I'll be gone. At least a month. But probably closer to 2. I haven't purchased a ticket yet. I need to do that soon. Like tomorrow soon. I haven't only because of the possibility of moving. But tim insists he can handle it. I don't think he realizes. He didn't see me pack for weeks while he was at work. I dont think he gets how much freaking stuff we have... he just saw boxes organized and ready to go. It's not just putting stuff in boxes. But i guess if I'm not there to unpack i shouldn't care. I guess moving isn't exactly the worst thing at this time.. i mean.. if things change all my stuff will already be in boxes. Er. I don't like thinking about that because it's uncomfortable and i feel like crap for it but.. well i wont get into all that.

I miss Jefri. Stupid stuff always reminds me of him. Even going to the store i see the parsley for really cheap and think i need to get it and then i realize i dont. The other day we ordered pizza and the pizza guy saw this square of padding i was saving to make sone thing for jefri's cage and he asked if he could have it and without thinking i said no but then i realized I didn't need it anymore so tim ran out and gave it to him. Idk. It was 10 years of my life. Things changed over night.. 3 times this month. All 3 things are enough to make me want to run away on their own.. but its everything at once. And it's more than that. But the change all at once is a huge part of it. Not just tasks but mindsets about things. Not just jefri. The other things have an ever deeper impact. But i can ignore them mostly because I'm not constantly being reminded somehow. Idk.

I fell asleep on the couch last night and went to bed early. It's 6am now. I think I'll make my map today. Buy a ticket by the end of this week. I need to get a backpack. Bryan has some but idk if they'll work. I'm excited. But scared. But mostly excited.