i think sometimes i say things i know will shock people so i don't have to talk to them anymore.. talk about awkward. not that i don't like talking... but who knows what to talk about. o well. I am hopeless. i had a really creepy dream last night and that little girl from that new movie orphan was in it. i haven't seen the movie, but the preview is on every 5 seconds and she freaks me out. i have high expectations. too high. or too low. i used to think i had autism. acute autism... i forget what its called. we just watched a movie and the main characters had it so i should know the name.. but i don't. i don't think i have it anymore.. actually i just stopped caring if i do or not. because i know the only reason i wanted it is to have a reason for why i am so messed up. but its not genetic. its environmental. sometimes i don't want to design or develop. i wish i could act. i wish i could write. or travel. or drift. or dance or teach. or something fun or interesting or important. but i am kinda useless aren't i? especially since i cant even design or develop in the first place lol. i am really good at taking naps. and loving Jefri. everything else is foreign. everything seems to be a little bit pointless right now.. i think the prozac is having some side effects... ha. it would wouldn't it.