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This play situation is complete and utterly grrable. Full of grr and boo. And a man named brandon... I dont know why. ok, I dont know of a brandon but if I did! OH MAN! Itd be full of him too.
I told my mom and she said, get this... "Ryan should do it"... HA! WHAAAA? wow. hahahaha and ha, that was funny. PHEW! ok Im done now.. no actually not quite, HAHAHAHAHA! ok its over. Vannessa will get a kick out of that one.She said he would be able to look younger and such but um no. especially with javier as the bad guy... heh uh no. I told her to never mention his name in reference to the play again. she gave me a weird look. But gosh, I cant think of ANYONE to play this darn part... we NEED Jake. Ryan just might be a last resort solution, or I am out of the play. I need this play. I need it.
Well I wrote that earlier today but I thought about it and ya know, ryan could do it. He would do a good job i think. And when I told vannessa she said he was the first peron who came to mind. But we cant have jav be vic (the bad guy man thing) if he is art. so I asked sal to be vic. He said he would. Thatd be rather perfect. I just need to talk to Kelly now and see if she thinks thatd be good. I hope so. I dont want to be taken out of this thing. oi. I was involved in drama at my first church and I loved it. At vineyard they were about to start a drama team and then we left. I have just always wanted to do some sort of acting and such. Nothing too big cuz I cant act and this is (or was) perfect. And the part fit my personality. And now tis all messed up. Jake was really great too. grr. I should just tell kelly to go ahead and let donivan and katie take over. That was they wont have to deal with feeling bad about having to release me from the play and I wont feel rejected. Elaine would like that. I told her how excited i was when i first got it and she was all happy for me. But ever since she got the moom part she's been pushing for donivan to be in it knowing that I would be kicked out if that happened. I dont understand. o well.
anywho, I had testing from 8 to 2.. ugh. I was dumb and went to bed at 3 in the am so I got like no sleep. And then I had dreams that I kept waking up and tossing and turning, maybe that was true. It felt like a dream. And this other dream about this building and I think I was talking to brett. Well it was jake but i think it was really supposed to be brett and then someone shouted at me and told me to go into this hall and I left brett or jake and this lamp thing turned on and I was in the living room of i love lucy. And everything was black and white and there was this boy and a little girl. The boy was reese witherspoons husband ryan philipi, ya know from cruel intentions? yeah and the girl was blonde and they were creepy and they were ghost. Or something. they were creepy, but I coudnt wake up and I knew I was dreaming but I couldnt open my eyes. And they kept coming closer and closer... and The guy was right in my face and he had bright green eyes and then I woke up. yeah I thought I would share. It actually was a cool dream if you minus the scary part.
my substitute guy is so weird. He just stares at random people until they look at him and its off to the next victim.
Jamie, bretts friend was testing too. He came and talked to me. And asked about brett. I think I bored him for the brief conversation we had, but he asked for it. I was content talking about nothing at all.
I really have been relating to that song creep by radio head. Its so soothing and peaceful, and yet full of truth. For some, for me.
So for the second time in my life daniel bedingfield's song if your not the one speaks the truth. A little too much. Well the first time I thought it did but not now. grr. Its depressing but I like that song.
Talya couldnt jam today. Went to a drum lesson. Sal came over and we messed on el computer-o. The first thing he told me on the phone was "one week"... heh yeah one week till it becomes even more hard. How? Cuz brett will be here, right here and I cant do anything about it... I mean I can. but no. but grr. ah.. I should go read a book, preferably the bible.
nite nite for now
heh, back so soon? yeah. Cuz I read bretts journally thing and yeah. I dont want to make him feel worst than I already make him feel. He is put through enough without bad thoughts and fears about me. I need to think about how he is feeling about things before I do them. I mean he asked vannessa to go I dunno somewhere with them when he comes out.. which wasnt actually a thrill boat for me, but i figured if he could do that, I could hang out with sal. he said "jeni and sal hang out"... but this is the first time I have ever hung out with him. So we dont just hang out and such. But if it makes him that uncomfortable I wont. He has nothing to worry about because sal doesnt think of me like that and visa versa (is that how u spell that?) He thinks that because sal is more outgoing than he is or something that "I will fall madly in love" with sal ha. sorry but thats funny. silly bboy. haha i meant boy, but i'll leave bboy for laughs. Im IN LOVE with YOU!... him. he. hehe. And yeah, he is his best friend... gross. I mean cmon now. who does that? I actually feel bad for sal cuz brett is mostly all i talk about. I'm quite annoying. And its suprizing that a shoe hasnt already been thrown in my general direction to shut me up. But I dont care, if it makes him that uncomfortable I wont. He means to much to me. And I cant tell him how to feel and if he feels like that, than I need to respect that and do whatever I can to make those bad feelings go way. I hope he is doing ok. I love him.
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GENIUS!!