Well... I feel so ugly. I feel like taking a knife an cutting my face into a bloody mess. And dont even get me started on my body. Gosh. I remember when I was 16. I LOVED myself. and not the conceited love like "look at me! Look at me!" God says to love yourself. and I loved who i was. and I loved what he created when he made me. I didnt second guess my body. Of course a girl can always find imperfections about herself. anyone can. but it didnt matter back then. Then boys came into the picture. telling me Im this and that. Who knows if they meant it. Derek was the first, and i thought that he must mean it cuz he wa so far away so why would he lie about that? and eric, he first boy i liked to ever like me back. too bad he was a jerk. and then i met brett. I felt pretty. and then ugly. back and fourth. and now.. I feel awful. andres came over tonite. a couple days ago he thought it would be fun to put my pic on hot or not to see what I'd get. i tried.. but the pic wasrejected cuz i looked too young. heh. so i did it again and it was accepted. so while waiting for people to rate me.. i was rating people myself. i was doing it as a funny thing to pass time. giving almost everyone i saw, 2's and 3's. And then andres was behind me and every time a reeeeally pretty girl would pop up he'd say "8!" or "9!" never commenting on the guys or ugly girls. and then this really really out there pretty girl came up and he got all weird and was like "wha.. uh.. da.. no comment" and its like. Just shut up u jerk. Im not sitting there going OMG he's so freaking hot. the only reason i ever have done that in the past is because he did it and i am so insecure i have to do it too to feel better. and then 5 people rated me and 3 were like 2 or 3 and 2 were 8. so i am not hot. but i didnt care. but its such a big deal or something to andres. i mean... he's not exactly a stud ya know.. but that shouldnt matter right? and it doesnt. Im attracted to him and i like his personality and all that jazz.. why does it matter? when your 87 you arent going to be saying "yeah my husband/wife's a looker" no, you'll say that you love them and thats that. And so... after the pretty girl went by I said "i dont like this site anymore" and went to homestarrunner.com and watched some emails. and andres i dunno. he confuses me so much. i dont even know where to begin so nvm. Im just so mad. and confused. do i even want this anymore? cuz nobody knows if he does... most of all himself.