amongst all the SHIT going on... ever more shit has hit the fan and I'm having a hard time dealing with all of it. i dont feel like writing it all out so I will just copy and paste a fb convo with my cousin renee.

ME:

i wrote her a message on fb the day after i got back from visiting u guys and i asked her if i could send it

before i sent it and she said i could

and i did and she said she would reply when her friend tina left

and she didnt

and then a couple weeks went by no reply

and was angry and said nvm forget it

and she texted me saying she was really busy and would reply when she had the chance

its been a month

so i finally said something again

RENEE:

oh wow yeah thats not good

ME:

and yeah i was upset

i said

a month and a half. you're just proving my point lol. whatever i really don't care and I am done being understanding... and really, why should i be when no one in this god forsaken family is EVER understanding of me. EVER. uhg. you people make me sick.
i was mad but i think i had a right to be i could have left out the last part
but she writes back saying

"Well Jeni, if thats the way you feel then so be it. I am not going to try to convince you otherwise. I'm not going to be doing this back and forth stuff with you. If you wanna write me off cause I did not respond then thats up to you. You said don't worry about it. So I didn't focus on it. I have stuff in my life going on as well."

and i said

seriously? back and forth? you haven't even responded to my original message. you would respond when your friend left. you didn't . i sent that message when you didn't respond when YOU said you would. you finally texted me that you were busy and would respond when you could and i told you i understood you were busy and you said thanks. and then a month later... still nothing. so who is writing who off? stop making me the bad guy. I haven't done anything wrong. I asked before i sent you anything. And I was understanding even though i know for a fact you've had plenty of time to respond but choose not to. go watch movies and drink your wine. YOU are the one choosing for it to be this way and don't give me an attitude when I am the one who should be annoyed. not you. Sorry for the inconvenience of telling you how I feel i thought that is what a family was for... apparently I have no idea and need a new definition. have fun focusing on other things Aunt Irene.

and thanks for your concern about our kitten. nice timing. lol wow
and no one said ANYTHING about writing you off.. reread my message. i just said you were proving my point. and can you blame me? stop being so selfish. but if its easier for you to blame me for your decision to ignore me, fine. but i dont see why you cant just say you don't care and dont want me in your life. thats how you really feel. and if not, you have a funny way of showing it.
I've been so careful and considerate of your feelings this whole time. what have you done?
sorry for dumping this on u. i just DO NOT understand what i did. what did i fucking do?

RENEE:

yeah thats pretty messed up

im sorry

ME:

its ok i just needed someone besides tim to agree im not crazy

sometimes i wonder

how r u

----------------------------------------------------------------------

her own daughter and the one she is close to, says it is messed up. I am not crazy.

everything is falling apart. or. on top. everything is falling on top of me.

we aren't going on our anniversary vacation. but they gave us a refund for the hotel even though they said they don't do that. i didn't anticipate customer service to be understanding. but timmy is very sympathetic? is that the right word? anyway, he has all the luck with those things.

Moose is getting worse. i would be laying with him but he seems annoyed at my presence sometimes. now being one of those times. i am trying to do whatever i can to make him comfortable. its been like an hour tho. he wont eat on his own. i have to feed him baby food through a syringe.. and some water and some pedialyte. he hates it. and he doesn't seem to be getting better. well anyways. i'm going to feed him some more and then lay him next to me on the couch.

i really hope everyone else is having a better day than me...