i should be sleeping. i hate sleep. well the "going" to sleep part. and i hate the "waking" up part too. earlier today i was thinking.. "i miss my family" but then i realized.. i dont miss them. i miss the idea of them. i miss the thought of one day actually being able to be a family with them. but thats not going to happen. and i dont want it to. not anymore. there's a point where you just have to decide that nothing is ever going to change, and you just have to walk away. that point probably should have been when i was 12 and my mom was convinced that me being molested was harder for jason because it was his best friend. screw jason.. it was me who was freaking violated. jerks. they wont change tho. so who cares. more stupid dreams. havent had my period yet. uhg. i hope its not delayed like last time.. 70 days! without a period. thats like.. 42 days more than normal... i got a flat tire today. i was going to lisa's, i was on sand canyon road and there was a hole in the road. grr. good thing tim's a mechanic. and good thing he got off work early. jefrie is too cute when he stretches. i want to get him a lady friend. but she neds to be spayed. none of the bunnies at pet adventure were spayed. sso that sucked. uurrrrrrrrrg. i dont want to go to bed. oh. so i have short term memory loss.. i cant remember if i wrote this or not but who really cares either way.. timmy and me are getting married in may. may 21st. well, elloping. i need to find a dress.. i need to get not fat first..