Playing COD with Amanda is fun. We are a lot alike and so different. I hope she becomes a really close friend. I miss having a close girl friend. I think I need one. And I am not so desparate for one that anyone would do. Amanda possesses important qualities I look for in friendships. She's honest and straighforward and I don't have to guess what she's thinking. She doesn't take herself seriously and she doesn't care if I am weird. She's not too girly or overbearing. She's into cool stuff. She likes things I like but she likes things I don't like too. But she doesn't care if we don't like the same things. She is very atheist and I am Christian but we don't force our veiws on each other. Idk I feel like I can be myself. I don't have to try too hard. I like that. It feels like when I was friends with Jenae. Not with Vannessa. Vannessa was a good friend at the time (before she went A wall and evil Vannessa took over) She was a good friend but it was never "easy". I felt like I was always tiptoeing around her to keep her. Same with all my friends like Kim and Jessica and Sara. Ali and Caitlin were easier but still work. It was much easier with Shelby. I miss Shelby. If I could choose a handful of people to bring back in my life somehow, Jenae and Shelby would be in there. And probably Donna. And maybe Brian and Ricky and Diane. They were good friends at one time. Maybe its just because we were young.

Anyways. So tonight I get in a party with Ian and his friends while I was playing alone, waiting for Amanda. And then Amanda sends me a message saying she's ready and I tell Ian to invite her. And he's like "Jeni, she's really bad" and I'm like.. "So.. I am too" and he's like "Yeah but we tolerate you because I know you, you're my friend, I don't know her" Ok. So many things about that sentence pissed me the EF off. Lets break it down. First of all.. "Yeah but..." Yeah? not "no your good" or something to that affect... but "yeah" agree that I suck? When I don't. I am actually pretty good. I am actually better than a lot of the guys he plays with on a regular basis but they don't give them shit for it. UHG! moving on Secondly, tolerate? uh ok.. thanks. jackass. WTF if I knew i was just being "tolerated" i wouldn't have wanted to play with your lame ass in the first place. Seriously WTF balls?!? Thirdly, don't know her? He met us both at Activision. We were both his co workers. And "friend"? if I am considered such a friend why is he behaving like such a douche bag? The only reason is because she doesn't have a penis and he isn't attracted to her. He's such a pig! They all are. Except for his friend Jake/Muffin. Seriously why are boys so mean?? And I texted him to tell him how lame he was and he ignored me and then told me to stop texting him because he was trying to sleep WTF. That's it. I am going on strike. No more playing with those guys.

Anywho. Ever since my conversation with my mom, I feel.. calmer? about the whole thing. Not completely but a little and that's good. Anything is good at this point.

I was watching "Temple Grandin" the HBO movie with Claire Danes about Temple Grandin's life. She's a woman with autism who is now a well known psychologist or something and stuff. Idk exactly but she's all successful and whatknot with a PHD and knows stuff about cattle. I really liked it. Tim watched it with me. Not sure if he liked it. She has this device she used a lot. She called it her hug machine or squeeze machine. She thought of it because of working with cows and the device used to poke them with this stuff (i forget what) but it calmed them down because it held them all tight in place. And it calmed her down too. I wonder if I would find comfort in a machine like that.I'm tempted to make one. Tim would probably think I'm nuts. Actually, if he hasn't thought so by now then he's probably not going anywhere. I would probably like it.. I love when Tim lays on my back. I also LOVE laying on his back and putting my feet and hands as close to in the same spots as his. Its really comforting. I love it. He doesn't like it so much. Especially when I move my head a lot because he says my chin hurts his shoulder blades.

The house is such a mess right now. Its overwhelming. I don't know where to start. Its never been this bad and keeps getting worse. But I am too distracted.

I need to get the money from my old job. I keep forgetting.

I need to make an appointment to get back on the pill..

I need to work on Bella's site.

I need to find a job.

I need to take Jefri to the vet. I need to finish shaving Choli.

I need to Send Rob an email about my headshots.

i need to finish reading that book on acting.

I need to practice.

I need to call the DOR lady and reschedule.

I need to reenroll at school.

Too much.

Saturday we are hanging out with Sal and Stephnie. We're going to finally see their baby! Elijah :) I'mma call him EJ.

Panda uses the doggy door. She is soo smart. She learned so fast!

I'm tired.