so the past couple days are a blurry goosh. they always are when me and timmy fight to the death... and by death i mean.. 2 days straight. lol no. we paused for sleeps and eats. and it wasnt fighting. it was just sitting mostly. and me being all talky. and him being all sitty and non talky. and as usual i thought it was over. and as usual it wasnt. timmy says things every time we fight that scare me. but then we make up and he says really wonderful things. i just hope he doesnt take them bback. i hope the wonderful things cancel out the bad things. he said we can look for a wedding cordinator so i dont have to do everything. plus its in november so it would be nice to have someone who knows what theyre doing. during our fight i tore out all the pages of the wedding binder i made. i spent a lot of time on it. i worked on it everyday. all the pages are in a large trash bag by the door still. he said he knows its kinda dumb to make a decision like to not be with me just because of a fight. theres going to be a lot more to come, but now we have seen that they just make us stronger and closer. we dont even fight very much. little things that last like 2 minutes every now and then and then a serious fight once in a blue moon. but i feel like im in a good spot right now. i like where we are. well i should im getting married. but the last 2 days ahve been realyl scary thinking i might not be with timmmy anymore. but i think now i feel like he wants it as much as i do. and its kinda cheesy but i know we're going to make it work. i want to spend the rest of my life with him. and i know he'll be there for me. now i know. and ive been talking about wedding stuff and i have brought up a conversation that startted out "i really want a baby" and he didnt get all weird. he went to church with me. that was cool and stuff. we talked a lot today about a bunch of things. i feel like a loser cuz of some work related stuff and he is being really supportive. and he's going to call pdk tomorrow to reschedule the appointment for premarital couseling. it was supposed to be for tuesday but he works tuesday. we go cake testing on thursday :) tonight we saw superbad. it was pretty funny. but too many penises. seriously... if u take out all the penis talk or "drawings" then half the movie would be gone. but yeah we went with ryan and bea. tim asked ryan to be a groomsman. i asked bea to be the guestbook attendant but i asked kidna weird and it came out all wrong and i dunno. i cant explain it but i dont think she likes me. when we were telling them stuff they both kinda sent out the "vibe" like... its a joke. i dunno. maybeits just me. i just felt really gay. speaking of gay. i missed2 nights of sex in the city. suck. aaaaand. in other news and having compeltely nothing to do with anything.. i have a new language. its dedicated to timster and its called 'the za-za-zoo' and it goes a little something like this... "skoozie skoozie skoozie skoo-- a scoopa-dee skooooky-skoot".. the end. *translation- "skoozy-skoot"