I went to the nurse proctitioner.. nothing crazy. I just have a spike or something or other in my whatchamacallit.. and I guess your p word gets all out of wack every 6 to 7 years. but apparently its normal. so no worries. but i was right... she was creepy. until the end. she was nice at the end. she told me to exercise. whats with the fat jokes? so after that i forget what i did.... o i called andres and he was at vons so my mom dropped me off at vons and we got soup. cuz with the above stuff happening... my body is really weak and i was getting sick. my mom told me it'd be ok to stop. oi. but i still dont know anything. but she said that its not about finding answers. its about surrendering. and so is worshiping God with your hands up. I knew that already, but maybe now I'll get some answers and understanding. maybe. I had a dream that i was at my house or something and everyone was around this huge table and i was fasting.. or just ended it. and pm walked in and said "i feel like this is the day your gonna get your answers" and then a guy behind his said "praise god" and I was like "huh?" cuz i havent been talking to pm.. so i was like how does he kow stuff? and then i was happy cuz i felt like i would and in the dream i was waiting and waiting anf it felt real so i actually thought it would happen. like God would just be like happy birthdy and I'd have all the answers and understanding i needed. but then my dream turned into my crab... and i was like watching a day in the life of my hermit crab. it was really boring. and i was cleaning out his cage and i crushed him, but he was still alive. in my dream. so church was good. I'm finally at a point where I am completely giving the whole rabbit thing to God, cuz I keep expecting something... like God said this so something will eventually happen.. not that i want it to or not.. just that if you hear something you expect it to happen and nothings been happening. at all. i think maybe God told me that for other purposes than what i first thought. oh i brought that up cuz last night he walked by and didnt say hi or anything and then other college people walked by and they said hi to me and i thought it was weird that everyone is saying hi to me but him. and i dont care. i have to go bye.. drums!!!