I am loving my job. My coworker whom i share an office with is ok. He confuses me. I can never tell if he is joking or not so I just take everything he says as a joke and don't really try to befriend him. So we make meaningless small talk (uhg) and say randomness throughout the day. which seems to please us both. My boss is so weird. he is very cool and laid back 80% of the time but 20% of the time.. he has these weird power trips. and he seems to like to catch you with your pants down.. but most of the time it backfires and when it does.. he hates it lol. but its funny. Like the other day he was like "jeni the page doesn't go to this page like I wanted and its because you forgot to change the url"... expecting me to be like o crap sorry.. but instead I was like "well actually.. i sent you an email when I finished the page asking if I should make it live and you said we would deal with it in the morning". He quickly changed the subject.

I hate this. I hate that its like a break up. I had just gotten over caring about my mom and brother. and then idk what happened but once again i let her make me think it was different. but once again i am made well aware that they think i am a waste of time. now i have to get over it again. it will probably take less time but it still is annoying to even have to do it at all. I thought my family, or at least my mom, would be more idk. something. Like when she heard i had aspergers and she learned more about it.. i thought she would say things about it. or feel differently about situations and bring her understanding about me. when i heard she had add i sympathized with her somewhat. i know she isn't perfect. i thought she would say things like about how she knew it wasnt my fault in school and that i was trying. or like about how i wasn't always just throwing tantrums because i was a brat, but because of sensory issues and other stuff. how sometimes when i would have what she calls a "tone" i really didn't know what the heck she was talking about. and instead, she threw it in my face saying i was making excuses.. during a conversation when i hadn't even brought it up. and the only time i have talked to her about it is saying random things about what I've learned about myself. if that. she knows nothing. i think its stupid how jason has dones countless things to me.. and yet i am evil because i said what i said to cambria and now again because i said what in our fb convo. he said "im over it and you" who says that? so i said what anything i could think of to make him actually mean it. if he's going to say it, he should mean it. and now I am the bad guy. fuck them.

I have a tummy ache :( I have been trying really hard to eat this GFCFSF diet. Me and Tm went to Borders and he got a lighting book because he is thinking of being a grip. and I got a book by Temple Grandin. There was a section about alternative treatments. and one of them is changing your diet to one of 2 diets. Because most people on the autism spectrum have food allergies (i have lactose intolerance). So the diets are gfcf or specific carb. I am doing gfcfsf. Gluten free. casien free. soy free. So basically no diary, no wheat, no soy. Its hard. All my favorite foods have cheese or bread and I cant eat potatoes right now because I am gaining so much weight from the 60mg cymbalta.. (antianxiety/depression pills cause weight gain.. didn't see it on a dose of 10 prozac or 30 cymbalta but i see it now at 60) so i cut out potatoes and that's hard because I love potatoes. And reading food labels is so hard.. i wish there was a grocery list i could download... that would be easy.. every site always says what not to eat but never says what you can eat.. and then the one site i saw that says i can eat all fruits, all veggies, and stuff like rice and blah b;ah blah blah it says at the end it lists a bunch of foods and puts "speacilty gluten free packaged foods" uh. ok. well.. what are they? and where do i find them? And what brands? Anything?? :( I don't mind having aspergers. Its like this charcater with aspergers from a movie said .. its like the color of your eyes.. it makes me me. I do get frustrated.. like i said about my coworker.. i really do wish i could understand him better.. and sometimes i don't know if he is laughing with me or at me.. but overall i wouldn't change it. even if my stomach does still hurt and I've been eating right.. i had sausages and scrambled eggs mixed with onions, red and green peppers and spinach. and a bowl of fruit for brunch. and then i snacked on some rice chex. and i had garlic chicken stir fry thingy for dinner. i did have a soda tho. maybe that killed it. really tho? 1 soda? fml.