"Even to much sunshine can be devasting, While only with rain can growth occur. Accept both as part of the growing process In the garden of life." “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius "Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin I am stressed out. I am not having fun right now. jeni=no fun. nope. not at all. Im sick of this mess. Im sick of the mess getting even more messier as Im trying to clean up and I just keep making things worse. people hurt. Im hurt. nothing is going right. sometimes.... I feel like i want to be with brett. sometimes andres. sometimes both and sometimes neither. I dont know. I love brett. I like andres. cant be with brett... like andres.. brett is mad. Im upset, andres is confused. jeni is stupid. simple and plain... Im a jerk. I called brett cuz he's been wanting to talk to me for a while about things. But we havent had time cuz i have work and then he has work when i get home and its nonsense. So I talked to him today. I thought things would be ok. I didnt think anything more of it than just a routine brett and jeni convo. which i always tend to take seriously but today after he said that he didnt think he could come down afterall for christmas and new years.. i went blank and didnt talk much. he wasnt talking much either. it wasnt really awkward but his grandparents and him were going to a dinner thing at 6 and it was almost 6 so i told him he should go. not cuz i wanted him to.. just cuz i know that when its the reverse i would like it if he would be the one saying you have to go so I thought I would cuz then he'd be upset that he was late. and so would his grandparents. and i dont know but he just said he couldnt talk to me anymore. And I said ok and hung up. he called me back and i answered and told me he was sorry he hung up. then he asked me whats going on... but i thought he didnt want to talk anymore.. so I told him not to throw out words like that. either he wants to tak to me or not. was that not the right thing to say? I couldnt think of anything else.. and thats just what came out but apparently it was wrong cuz he just said bye and hung up. I dont get anyone. everyone in this is a hypocrite including myself. everyone. in their own little ways. I dont know. Im just going nuts. NUTS! IM CRAZY! I really think i am. AHHHHH! I have to go now cuz i have to take a shower and get ready and i only have about 20 minutes. bye.