so a couple days ago i think it was the 20th or maybe the 19th, in the morning i looked at timmys phone for some reason and i noticed that "steph" sent him a text at 12:30ish at nite the night before.. so the 18th or 19th. it was probably the 19th and 118th. and i was like.. what the heck. and i even kinda asked him about it. or hinted that it upset me.. and he didnt even tell me. HE ERASED IT! like he was hiding it. well not like.. he was. is. and tHEN i was like.. who cares just ignore it. and then on monday he had work and i didnt and he said to bring my car in at lunch and then we decided to ddo it when he was done. and he called at 4:30.. and was like "where are you?" and i told him i waiting for him to call me. and he told me he was done with work.. at 4:30!!! he usually gets home at like 7 average sometimes later but barely ever much earlier. and i was like.. why so early?? its not even 5?? and he was like.. oh yeah sometimes i get done early. sometimes i have to stay late. and im just thinking.. bull. bull. bull. you A:WAYS work late.. what is he doing those extra hours he says he's working?? and then i was like.. no no. be fair jeni. thats not cool. cuz i dont even know. im just assuming. but right when it was out of my head.. we were watching a movie and "BLEP!" his phone makes a noise.. and i said "whats that?" and he says.. "text message or something"annd i was like oh and we continued to watch the movie.. but the WEIRD part is.. he kept his phone in his pocket all nite. all night. cuz when i went in the room i was gonna look at it but it wasnt being charged. he didnt charge it like he usually does. thats when he erased it. and i tried to forget but then all sorts of stuff has been making me irritable and last night was awful.. not the day and the night we were up but going to sleep. he usually holds me and we fall asleep like that.. but i couldnt sleep so i got up and played video games but i couldnt do that eithe so i went back to bed and when i got there i dunno. maybe im readint too much into it but he just seemed mad at me. and i cried myself to sleep. and then this morning.. i am parinoid so i looked at his phone while he was in the bathroom and sure enough.. it was "steph".... saying "hey hows it going?" i didnt even look at dialed or recieved calls but i bet they talk all the time. and i bet they talk about me and how AWFUL i am and how they love each other and shes just texting him to see "HOW HE IS" how he is doing with his HORRIBLE girlfriend.. gah. im so stupid. i am. but why does he hide it? i would feel so much more at ease if he would talk to me about it. be open. its such a double standard with him. i have to tell him about brett and not talk to brett but he an talk to stephanie and amanda and whoever else he dated in the past? screw that. im sick of double standards. andres tried to pull that crap with me and sean definately tried to pull that crap. so no. timmy isnt going to pull this crap on me. not when i can stop it.. altho.. how would i stop it? i guess i cant.. i guess he really can pull that double standard.. i mean, what can i do about it? it just makes me mad. it makes me want to talk to brett. just to piss him off. jerk. but no. i wont. brett sends me crap emails and i told him but he didnt ell me about his stupid girls so i have stopped telling him about bretts emails and messages. i dnt respond but.. i stopped telling him. just giving him what he gives me. ahh im so.. frustrated.