so Im really thinking about making this a friends only or private diary and giving my password to only a selective few. cuz there are some private things and personal things I write in here that I dont want certain people to read about. not that i care. but the point is that they shouldnt. not my choice. but theirs. its retarded. today was weird. everyday is an up down day. my mom was a jerk last nite. my brother was a jerk last nite. and today i was so frustrated all day and i know, i was a brat all day. i dont need anyone to inform me of that but i have my reasons and altho i didnt handle certain situations well, and this isnt an excuse (and maybe it is) but neither did other people (my mother and brother). gah. I wish I could change myself just for one day. so that i could tell everyone what i was thinking and feeling and wanted in a way everyone understood and they listened cuz I'd have something worthwhile to say and respect it because i am saying it and thatd be that. cuz everyone see's me as a little girl. and i know i can act like it. i know i look like it. oi. but Im not. and I'll never be what people want me to be if they keep making my decisions for me. and telling me everythig Im doing wrong. cuz my mom is one thing and my brother is another, but at the same time. they havent ganged up on me yet, but i can feel it coming. it happens every time he comes out. they always point out the splinter in my eye when they have logs in theirs. well I loved my schedule this week. she had me working 8 hour shifts and it wasnt bad at all. time goes by so fast. and she had everyone work until closing and i was only scheduled till 10.. and i didnt have to close and it was cool and then today i work in the morning and i NEVER work in the mornings. but i do tomorrow cuz its christmas eve. cuz my manager likes me :) so yeah. after that i go straight up to the grandma's house. ew. i might have to visit my OTHER grandparents... i dont like them. they dont really like me. they fake it. cuz they love jason for some reason. and i am so nice to them. i was a brat when i was younger. that was like at least 8 years ago and they still get all gay on me. I hope we dont stay long. Andres gave me my gift today. i gots mulan. and a sandy cheeks doll from spongebob but i like mulan most cuz thats my favorite disney movie. kinda. i think. beauty and the beast too. and lion king. and and... stuff, yeah. gah im tired. good nite.