I don't like being around my mom and brother. My mom was getting better. I saw she was trying. but my brother just gets worse. and when we disagree my mom constantly takes his side as usual and places the blame on me and things are back to the way they were. why deal with it. because we are family. that's bullshit. and it's no excuse. i dont even want to talk about that anymore. nothing ever changes.

we went to see my grandpa on thursday. he was in the hospital because he was having trouble breathing. he's okay now. he was supposed to go home today but they recommended a center that will help him get a little stronger because he was so weak. i like seeing him but i hate it.. i don't know what to say... he cant ever hear me so i end up shouting everything 3 or 4 times.. and hes so... old. its scary. and it must suck. not being old.. but seeing the fear in peoples eyes when they look at you. not of you but for you and for themselves. i didnt notice until it was too late.

after we left the hospital we hung out with tim's work friends for jaspers bday. it wasnt bad. i had fun. they were pretty nice. and i met tims friend daniel who is really nice. in groups people tend to ignore me or not hear me.. or choose to respond to someone else. i dont even really notice it anymore. tim mentioned it. but daniel actually asked me what i said a few times when he didnt hear me. it was weird haha. jerry says not to pursue game design (or programming) and to go with acting. woot. jasper likes to drink. lol. i tasted a wine that didnt make me want to puke. we left pretty late.. wanted to leave early to get down to my moms because we had to drive to simi in the morning because the water heater in the condo was leaking and our tenants didnt have hot water. i didnt get any sleep that night. we fixed the water heater pretty quick. it was just the pipe, thank God. we figured while we were there and for their trouble we should give them an upgrade so we got them a screen door and replaced the 4 missing tile pieces on the top counter.

I am going to read the bell jar. or finish reading it rather. i started it almost a year ago and forgot about it whenw e started renovating. i liked reading it although i forget the plot completely.. but the textured pages was nice :)

I'm really upset. we might have to move up to Visalia for 6 months. Tim is going to talk to his supervisor tomorrow and try to get more information. i really hope we can transfer back to scv or somewhere in LA.

when we moved our furiture from the bedrooms for the new carpet installation, we put the bed on top of the couches. that was almost a week ago. i kinda like it in the living room.