WHAT a freaking day. It's only 8 am but the last 12 hours have been ridiculous...

The last week or so.. i couldn't find my sewing machine and against my better judgment thought i would just ask her.. it's no big deal. But that's how it always starts right. No but she was being nice and I thought.. texting doesn't suck. And then grandmas brother died and she texted me info about that and also that grandma wanted to give me a brand sewing machine she never opened but had for 10 years silly grandma. But then i found mine. And she asked if she could have one of mine cuz I have 2 but i cant figure out how to work either of them.so I said ok. I like grandmas because it came with an instruction manual. Anyways we texted back and forth asking for stuff like i asked if she was using jefri's corner litter box and the sliding door we gave her and she said no and she asked if we had a laptop charger and some questions about Dropbox and i thought.. i can do this. I'm not going over for family dinners but i can have a relationship like this where we just help each other out when we need to. When i went to pick up the stuff and drop off the sewing machine it was ok. It was awkward because we haven't seen each other for 6 months and only texted and most weren't friendly. But it was good to see her and tell her things. I told myself I wouldn't tell her anything personal but I'm stupid you see.. i dont know what is wrong with me but it's like she has "tell me all your secrets" written on her forehead. Not secrets but just things most people don't know. Personal things happening right now. And it felt good to tell her because I have no one to talk to about them. Tim yeah but we talk about these things so much were kinda talked out. We just know. Idk. It was all going fine... The whole visit pretty much. A new record probably. That is until the very end when we were walking to the car and tim got in and then my mom asked to talk to me real fast. So we stood in front of the house on the sidewalk and she apologized for something. And idk thinking about it sort of annoys me because in admitting this one thing she pretty much denied another. Idk it's complicated but that's not why it went bad.

I should really stop leaving entries unfinished. Anyways. It went bad because I forget how but jason came up and pretty much everything she said after that made me mad. One I'm particular thing being "I trust them". Great. It's so annoying that she can have so much faith in him STILL when he is a liar and a fake and have so little trust in me.. when i tell her everytbing even when we dont talk for months abd only see her 1 day. I tell her things she has no right to know and things i could easily just not bring up. I dont lie to her. I have but i suck at it and i eventually come clean. Everyone lies but some people are just habitual liars. Im not. Jason is. And she has trusted him over me since i was a kid. When people like Victoria would stand up for me she'd just tell then what they wanted to hear but it never changed. Even when i recejtly told her things about him that prove he is and what kind of person he actually is. I don't care about keeping these things to myself anymore since we have absolutely no desire to reconcile with him. She just brushed it off. I I'm not getting into. I just think she's a hypocrite and just plain mean. We didn't fight there though. It left fine because i was angry but i didn't want to just react in anger without figuring out why I was angry first. So we talked the next day.. if you can call it that. She never answers any of my questions or replies to what I say. She only talks ABOUT talking. It's wweird. And its pointless. I don't know why i continue to let myself hope for the best in these situations