Listening to: John Mayer- Say What You Need To Say
So today i was talking to tim while he was driving home from work like usual. And he just randomly asks me how I'd feel about getting a kitty :] I love kitties. We both would rather have a dog. but we don't and wont have a yard. maybe in a few years. So when he got home we looked for kitties. teacup toy kittens are so cute.. but they get ugly when their older :{ but that's ok. jefri is kinda ugly but we love him. i love him. tim.. likes him when he isn't pooing all over. I think jeffy could use a companion.. do bunnies and kitties get along? they look cute in those cute calendars with the like 5 different baby animals in baskets and stuff.. anywho. I just think its nice that he wants to get a pet that's ours.
OH! good news! apparently my websites that were due yesterday are now due on the 27th :} yay! I was freaking out. I havent even started my second one. heh.
I talked to my the other day. it was kinda awkward but idk.. i am still really upset with her.. but it was a good talk. we even talked about the possibility of her coming to my wedding. i mean its not completely out of the question. but i just want to be so happy that day. and share it with people who love me and have supported our relationship and that wont make me feel weird.. and the fight we had the day i left, even tho i try to push it out of my head, it happened.. the way she shouted "you're a freak" to jason after i got a door slammed in my face, was so idk.. it was like she got pleasure out of it. apparently she didnt know i as hit in the face, but who calls someone a freak over and over like that with such hate in their eyes when I'm balling my eyes out?
wedding. today i got a message from my friend rafi and at the end it said "So wait i'm still confused are you guys gonna get married or someth'n? lol" yeah. i guess people would think it was a joke by now. sometimes i feel like its just a joke too. the other day i told timmy i don't care anymore.. i just want to be married. and if that means a courthouse, i don't care. i just want to be his wife. He said no because I'll be disappointed about it later. I really don't think i would at this point. I'm much more disappointed that we've been together, living together, so long and aren't even close to getting married. I honestly would not be disappointed with vegas. or anything. I just want to be married to my best friend. and it would be nice to be married before moving into our new place. i dunno.. it makes it more.. meaningful. or something. i don't even care about a big honeymoon anymore like we planned. a small week get away would be fine. I'm blue :{
sal called me. but. i dunno. i don't see a future with that friendship. I do care. I would like to see their baby and congratulate them. But I am sick of the one sided friendship. I have a relationship too. i have priorities too. But I seem to be the only person in the world who can still make time to show people i care.. i just have a really hard time believing anyone can be that busy. and they aren't even my friends. they're Brett's friends. i don't want to keep the connection anymore. Its awkward and eventually we'll end up in the same room and I just don't want to feed the fire. If Sal was like the ultimate super friend it might be different but he's not. So i don't think I'm going to call back. For once.
I think standing up for yourself is a healthy thing. I don't do it enough but I plan on doing it more often. Actually I have been working on it.. so far so good.
Sometimes, not sometimes.. but once in a blue moon, or an even rarer colored moon.. I wonder if i make bad decisions. actually its more just wondering about what ifs.. specifically referring to.. relationships.. but then i saw a certain video made by a certain ex something and realized.. i am right where i want to be. g's. "this isn't mine.. borrowed it from a friend of mine." lol yeaaaaaaaaaaah right.. "ultra thin.. i don't even know what that means." lol. uhg. some people. so idk.. fake. you're not a virgin.. far from it. just own it!
it made me think tho.. about when me and tim first started dating. and my mom asked if he was a virgin or what his intentions were or something. actually i think she was also telling him that i wanted to wait until i was married or something and asked if he could do that.. and i was doing dishes or something and i remember wanting to leap over the counter and tackle him. because i knew he wasn't a virgin and i wasn't sure what he was going to say and i didn't want him to tell her.. i was like a deer in the headlights and he said something like "oh its ok.. i haven't had sex in like 2 years." i was mortified for 2 seconds and then i was just kinda proud of him.. He knew she was.. who she is and he was still completely open about it. i think it actually made her trust him a little more because of it. i loves me a timmy.
and david cook. i voted like 20 times.. i dont think it'll make much of a difference but he is a sexy beast and deserves to win damzit. plus this is it for him.. if david archuleta doesnt win.. theres always next year.. and the following 10 years
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