ok. I think for once.. I finally made a right decision. No more brett was a step closer to that decision. I thought maybe being with andres was the right answer. But I realize, after praying about it and talking it over in my head and with my mother, I feel.. maybe it is best to be alone. maybe andres isnt the answer. maybe I'm designed for more. maybe he is. maybe I should stop thinking about it. in a couple months or whatever, when we can be friends, it wont be so hard. I wrote a list of the things I wanted in a husband. And as I look over it.. maybe andres isnt someone who possesses those things. I mean, the dude I marry doesnt have to be perfect and have every thing on my list, but to an extent you know.. and for the ones he doesnt have.. he should want to work towards those things. Andres has alot of expectations for me... and some things I am... alot of things, Im not. But in the bible it tells women to support and respect their husbands and be servants to their husbands. not like servants but to serve them in love. And I really love to do things for andres. I support him and I really do respect him. I know some choices I've made havent shown that, but I do. But maybe those things arent importnant to him. You know what is important to me? That my husband is a man of God, who has compltely surrendered his life to the Lord. I dont see that in andres. Maybe this is all for the best ya know? Ive been praying that God would bring in the good and take out the bad. that he'd take away any relationships or opportunities to be with people, if they arent right for me. Maybe this is whats happening. So ok. I'm going to focus on God and school and finding a job and a car and friendships and when God thinks I am ready.. he will put a man of God infront of me. and he will be everything I want. Maybe I should go to missouri. Its always been an option. Maybe now, since nothing is holding me back... I should actually think more seriously of it. anyways. too soon to think of that. hmmm.. I've become obsessed with the music video for white houses. Gosh, Ive said it before but.. the dancing is awesome. I want to take dance lessons. Yoga and dance from now on. maybe I should make a list of goals...

not in any order:

1. get a job

2. find a means of transportation

3. Lose 10 lbs, and get a toned tummy

4. dance lessons (jazz and lyrical)

5. write lyrics and music with talya and have luke make us a demo

6. run every day

7. read my bible every day

8. finish school

9. de-andres my room. of cards or letters or anything that will bring back a memory or thought.

10. grow a carrot plant for jefrie

11. start motion graphics classes with PDK

12. paint my room

13. get rest of stuff from aunt suzy's

14. maybe get back into singing lessons, if the dance thing doesnt work out

15. learn bass?

16. learn spanish, and cockney rhyming.. i gots betty's in me davey...

17. go to the following concerts: millencolin. distillers. justin timberlake. muse. maroon 5.

cant think of any more...

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus tickets are on sale.. but they are across the country. doh...