Well... i have nothing to do and no one is home and im bored so here goes a HUGE entry about nothing.... the Delta was interesting. 5 day on a boat in the Sacramento Delta... wake boarding and water skiing.. eating and being stupid... sounds like fun.. and for the most part it was. lots of fun stories. ya know.. im glad i went.. just.. i wish it would have been at a different time. I have so much stressing me out right now its crazy. and its not even big crazy stuff.. just stupid nonsense and a few biggerish things but bleh. anyways.. yeah, i didnt wanna go tho. my mom kinda made me. i mean she offered to ppay for it but i told her it'd be better to use that money for a car or something. and she insisted that it'd be fine and such. and i told her i didnt wnt to go and she threw on a guilt trip like no other. i didnt really go wake boarding. i tried but i got up once and fell over like 3 seconds later. but i figured.. why waste a spot on the boat for me.. someone who can even get up when theres at least 6 hardcore guys on the boat who love to wake board and are all dying for a turn? The first day we didnt even wake board anyways.. we kinda just sat around and napped and played cards. Luke taught me quit your life on the guitar.. and i learned it in less than 2 days. woot. it was kinda weird for me cuz the other 3 girls all knew each other and were friends before the trip.. and u know.. i know krystal already but i dont know her know her. so i got to know them more.. but not much. mostly krystal. i tried to connect with angela cuz she seemed really nice and funny and out of he 4 girls me and angela were the only ones with bf's and i figured itd be cool to get to know her. but i dunno.. she was weird and she reallyu started getting to me.. she was all flirty with the boys and all over them.. and it was gay cuz she has a bf.. girls like that just really irritate me. sal and luke even brought it up.. that she would touch them a certain way or something and bleh. it was gay. or not gay.. anyways. someones mowing their lawn. pm brought his wife and son and daughter. issac is so funny. he reminds me of myself when i was younger. he is a cool kid but you can only stand so much of him.. he gets on everyones nerves but he doesnt mean to at all and he's just kinda out therer sometimes. i loved it. and he thinks im hilarious. i would breath and he'd laugh.. not really but pretty much. on the second to last night i was playing rummikub with sal and issac and i dunno.. i think glenn and pm was like "raise ur hand if u want to throw jeni in the lake" and i raised my hand and they all tackled me! and i crawled under the table and i had 4 or 5 guys grabbing my legs and im holding on tho the table leg for dear life.. but laughing too cuz it was funny.. eventually they threw me in tho.. but in the freaking back of the boat! that klinda sucked.. i had to swim around in freezng water as they shouted "whatch out for the eels!" I HATE EELS! but its ok cuz it was fun.. im glad i wasnt angela tho.. they threw her off the top of the boat! ouch! and then! one of the guys put a dirty diaper in our room.. which isnt even much of a room.. it was a loft type thing and we had to crawl in it.. so its really small.. and they put this smelly as butt diaper in our room in the middle of the day and its burning hott out. so pretty much it smelt like death by the time we went to bed. but if u think about it.. it was kinda funny.... the last night there.. angela and kristen have this brilliant idea to "get back" at the boys. STUUUUUUUUpid idea. they take a bucket of water and poor it on cory and the lid wacks him the head... and thats notgood cuz cory was on a run the day before and got a concussion. so they decided to throw angela and kristen over.. well im trying my very best to prevent angela from being thrown over and im shouting "take off ur clothes! they wont touch u if ur naked!" lol and the guys were like freaking out but she didnt and they threw her in. and then luke's like.. "run" and im like "HUH?" and i see 4 guys look at me like "ur next" and then.. i was freaking out. cuz all day i had been sleeping cuz i got food poisening or sea sickness or something and i didnt feel good at all and i really didnt want to catch a cold on top of that. and everyone knew too cuz i pretty much told everyone. what happened next was the best fight of my life.. so i lock myself in the bathroom. and mrs C is yelling at me to get out and im shouting "Im pooping! be out in aminute" and everyones saying "come out blah blah blah" so i grabb one of those air freshener things and i told em that if thwey come near me they'll be sorry.. and i open the door and im holding up this freshener bottle and cory is coming closer and i started waving it around and mrs c grabbed it from my hands and cory tackles me and i just snapped. and im swing my arms and legs and they finally get me up in the air they all have a limb and i bite ryans hand and he drops me and then i twist and alex drops me and i just start punch these guys in the balls and im on top of jerry or ryan.. one of them and im punching them as hard as i can in the balls.. lol. and im not sure but i think i was screaming while i was doing it but i finally get up and hit them all while i walk past and cpry is still going and i shove him as hard as i possibly could into the wall and im like "I DONT WANT TO GO IN THE WATER!" and they all stop and i climb into my room and lay down and i am sitting there for 2 seconds... and i kinda feel like "yeah.. go me.. i just scared a group of boys.. how many girls can say that?" and then i started shaking like crazy and pm is at the little door to the right and he sticks his head in and asked if im ok and i said yes even tho i wasnt and hes like ok.. and he leaves and sal is down stairs and he asked if im ok and i thought i was and then it was like BOOM! and i started sobbing.. and it was awkward cuz ive never cried infront of sal.. maybe 1 time before. yeah actually he did see me cry before.. i dunno we were at my house and brett just left and i went outside and was crying and sal walked out and i tried to stop but he knew i was crying.. but it wsa different cuz i wasnt like sobbing last time and i wasnt sobbing this time but i was just really upset crying.. he didnt really know what to do so he kept saying he'd make sure they didnt throw me in and then i dunno.. it was a short lil conversation cuz someone shut the door. and i laid down and cried and i really didnt know why i was crying. so im trying to figure it out. and i seriously couldnt move. at all. and im shaking like crazy.. and THAT made me cry.. and then i knew.. it wa because yesterday was all fun and games and everyone had a big leaugh. but.. today was different. i didnt want to go in. and with things in my past... it just really scared me.. all those guys.. it scares me when any guys tries to force me to do anything i dont want to do. guys are bigger and theyt are stronger and its scary especially for a girl of my size. i guess thats why i like to get into fighting so much. cuz im so vulnerable to being attacked. and i will not be attacked again. imight yeah, but not without a fight. ever. ever. again. and God willing i wont even have to try.