So I downloaded all the pictures tim's mom sent him. I told her I would photoshop them so everyone is in the "family photo".. like take our pictures of all of us and then superimpose aaron into them like he was there.. .
I cant do it. not that its too hard. its not. its easy and i love that kind of stuff which is why i said i would in the first place.. and also i guess i wanted to show her maybe that i had some hidden talents and im not a complete waste of time.. but honestly.. i dont know why i thought itd be a good idea. for 2 reasons.. 1. the pics we took together were clear and bright. the pics they sent us of aaron, were dull and dark and blurry.. how do you make those match without looking cheesy? even the best of photoshoppers cant. and 2. and most importantly.. its fake. its just wrong. i feel like its just sweeping everything under the rug. which is exactly what timmy and i tried to do.. the RIGHT way by calling ahead and trying to talk to aaron and make things better.. but this way.. its just not right. its wrong and i dont want to be a part of it.
its like they are ok to forget about everything he said about mee and pretend it never happened... but when its him being a stupid baby about the thing HE started.. they just want to keep it going by allowing him to be that way. they're just giving into his nonsense. i dont get it. i dont get a family who can just sweep things under the rug and think someone is so great JUST because they are family. I did absolutely nothing to him. he called me the names and threatened me and charged at me like he was going to hit me. he made me feel uncomfortable and invaded MY space and he says I "ran him out" im surprised i didnt leave before he did. and he is the one who is making a big deal and keeping this going? fuck him. fuck it all. im so sick of trying to be a good person about it and trying to be the bigger person. I dont have to prove that. I am a bigger person. even the entry before, how i hate myself and wish i was who i was.. I STILL think more of who i am now than him. He is the worse person I know of in life. thats why I have nothing to prove with him. its not him im worried about. it was his tim's family. but u know.. they can think what they want. I have done everything right in that category. and I do and have done a lot of things wrong and I know it, I can admit when I am wrong... but this kid is just a stupid asshole and its just getting to me. the.. the fact that this is what i am marrying into. a family that pushes things under the rug and lets people they love treat other innocent people like shit. and its ok because theyre family. if my brother treated someone, a good person who didnt deserve it, like crap.. i wouldnt condone it just because he's my brother and i love him. no way. i wouldnt pretend like he is this great person.i would confront him about it and tell him what i think. and i would back up the people who deserve to be backed up. and there have been times when i have told him he's an idiot for his actions. it pisses me off. i know i agreed to do the pictures and I am going to finish and send them with my mouth shut. but if i have to put up with this shit next year.. im going to scream. i hate thinking about it. if I am going to be treated like that, id rather just get it from my own family. i know they piss me off a lot.. but at least on some level, they love me. theres not wonder. there is no nagging feeling of "am i making a good impression?" "do they think aaron is right about me??" "what the hell have they talked about behind my back?". none of it. these people can be as nice as they want, but they will back up aaron no matter what he does and Im probably going to have to see that played out someday when he like i dunno.. stabs me in my sleep. "oh it was an accident" lets just photoshop jeni into the picture like she wasnt stabbed in her sleep. bah. Im so pissed off. maybe its the fact that i had to stare him in the face for a half hour while i cropped his picture.. uhg. i mean.. god. no one has ever treated timmy like that. and they never will. they know if they did, theyd probably never hear from me again or lose a limb. because he means more to me than that. not that its tims fault his brother is such a mistake. i just wish i didnt have to feel so shitty about it. i wish i KNEW KNEW KNEW that i wouldnt EVER have to worry about something like that happening again and i wish i KNEW that things wont just get swept under the rug in the future cuz people just dont want to talk about it or think about it. im so sick of that. ive had enough of that in my life. uhg. i just wish someone would punch aaron in the face. like he's just walking down the street and someone just randomly pushes him into oncoming traffic... not like to kill him. just knock some sense into him. i really despise him. the thing that pisses me off the most i think, is that he ACTUALLY thinks his opinion matters. like when tim called him to make things right.. i aaron say something like "anyone but her" like he'd be okay if tim was with anyone but me. and it pisses me off because to tim, aarons opinions DO matter. as much as he wants to say they dont.. they did before. peoples opinions obviously matter to tim. enough to get him to break up with me. i just dont want history to repeat itself. and just the fact that he even mentioned paying for me not to go... how rude is that? if i said that to tim about him.. he would murder me. because he's soo selfish and conceited. no one else matters but him all the time. bah im done.
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