today. so overwhelming. everyday is so up and down. but heroes was on. so thats always a plus. i hope it doesn't get really stupid and cheesy.. today instead of the usual scientist suresh talking in the beginning as if telling a story.. there was this really overly dramatic announcy guy and he was like way over the top. it was awkward. the hills was on too but i'm saving that for tomorrow and also since my computer isn't working right now and i don't feel like figuring it out. plus... it would probably wake up timmy face. we had some good talks. well mostly i talked but i needed it. we decided to call some counselors tomorrow and figure out who would be best. he knows i have a lot of things i need to talk about that i don't think i should be talking to him about because.. its weird or just not an area that he can help in. and he does so much already. he said maybe we'll think about going back on the pill. not the bcp. the other pill. i think he might be right, i just can't handle all this stress at once. its really tearing me apart. we talked about how people who will remain nameless, think they can just do whatever they want and get away with whatever they want. and how people try to make me look stupid. but he said I'm not stupid and they are the stupid ones for trying to make me feel that way. I'm just angry at myself for letting people continue to take advantage of my feelings. sometimes i feel like I've been mind raped when i talk to people.. and there's nothing you can do about it. sometimes i feel like everything comes so easily to everyone but me. and everyone can have 2 faces. and everyone can do whatever they want to me and i just have to take it because i am me. i told myself so many times i wouldn't let people treat me that way again.. and somehow it never sticks. but good news.. we're going to have some normal around here soon. tim's mom and Denis are coming out to visit for a couple days. and well get to experience a real mom for a while. and then bunanananA! my birthday :] my 21st birthday.. yeah yeah ok its actually my 22nd birthday. but we decided since my 21st birthday was spent away from timmy and it was less than perfect.. why not have my 21st birthday this year when he has planned the perfect birthday that will "top all birthdays" that shouldn't be used on a random 22... how perfect is the birthday of all birthdays for my 21st on the 21st golden birthday? :] so yeah. g's its really soon. Timmy starts his vacation week on Thursday. oh they are sending him to Honda school :] cause he is awesome. he's been wanting to go. and he said some other guys who asked and are older than him, asked to go but they aren't sending them. so he's one of the specials. but the most special of the specials because he is great and young and perfect. I'm proud of him. I wish i could make him proud of me :/