Being married creates the most amazing feelings. lol i just thought it would take away the bad feelings yeah, but it replaced them with the most incredible sensations. i know now more than ever that tim was created for me. everyday i think we've reached the peek of closeness and the next day brings us even closer and it is just a continuous growth. even fights, although small and short lived, bring us closer together.
he told me.
finally.
i already knew. but at the time, he told me nothing happened and i let him have his time. because i just knew. and after a while, i denied it.. and forgot. and it disappeared.
but last night was the brink of closeness. we were talking and talking and sharing and holding each other and listening and crying and laughing and joking and playing and flirting. and i think the closeness drew it out of him. i think he knew it would be okay. i honestly can't even remember what was being said to bring it up in the conversation because when it was said.. or implied at first.. everything felt like it was being sucked up into a vacuum. like we had never been talking all night, and like we just suddenly appeared in a room and thats all he had said. the hours and seconds before were a blur...... he kissed Stephanie.... not just a girl. and not just on a day. but Stephanie. the day after my most important birthday. and honestly. i have to say, I've handled it quite well. i cried. he held me. i asked questions but it was really nice.. i didn't get angry and he didn't get hostile. i asked and he answered and we cried together. because I'm not mad at him. I still feel more close to him than before he told me. and he thought we were broken up so.. i can't get angry. but i guess i wish he knew he could tell me then. i wish i made that clear. that there is nothing he could ever do that would ever make me not want to be with him. and this was.. hard. if it was just a random girl, it would be upsetting because when is something like this not? but it would be easy to forget. but it was Stephanie. i hate her. i physically hate her. i have at times said out of anger towards a person that i would punch them in the face, but in actuality i would probably chicken out.. but this time i mean it.. i really would. it would be the first time ever hitting a person, and it would be well worth it. it was the day after my birthday. i ruined everything. but i wanted to fix it.. i just wanted him to be there. i wanted him to call me on my birthday. and he didn't. i cried the whole day the next day not only hoping he would call me.. but hoping he would answer his phone. i was a mess. and he was with her. its creepy because the day after he changed his status on myspace from "in a relationship" to "single" she messages him asking to hang out. bitch. but i understand why it happened. everything was messed up. we both made stupid decisions. he said she was gross though and he regrets it. he said her lips were so chapped and she tasted like stale smoke.. and after she said something like "you're going to regret that" and he didn't even say anything because she was right. and i totally understand what its like to kiss someone and have it be the most disgusting thing afterwards.. and feeling like a douche bag. after all, i do still remember kissing Brett. so i know. his lips were ALWAYS chapped. i don't know what it was but his breath always smelt like milk.. and i hate milk.. and there was like a film.. or something.. uhg. i can't think about it or I'll vomit in my mouth. but even that wouldn't be as gross as kissing him. so i get it. but i told him if he ever kissed Stephanie again, it wouldn't just be her getting a sock in the face. lol.. jk. I'm not angry. i love him and I'm glad he finally felt comfortable enough to tell me. and it actually made us closer also.. because nothing he could do would make me not want him.. and i want that to be true and it is, and now i know it is because the only thing worse would be if he kissed Amanda.
anyways. enough of that. tim is wonderful if you didn't already know. and he is a sexy beast who loves bangoberries.
today i went to appleone and talked to sean. after seeing the website i created for my cit final, he said there is no reason why i would not get at least an interview from that seo company :] woot. so he's going to get that set up and we'll see what happens. that would be the most amazing thing to happen right now.. besides actually being able to have sex.. what? heh.
yeah. i haven't i mean. i'm still on my period so there's somewhat of an excuse but i feel pretty ridiculous. not that we haven't tried. i have small girly parts :[ which i always felt was a plus.. well.. in my pants. lol. cuz i would prefer my top girly parts were bigger. i don't know what i am talking about. i just want to have sex with my husband already. ahhhhhh!
that katie perry girl, truly SUCKS live. I was waiting in anticipation because i love watching new artist perform live for the first time.. because some artist are so much better live. like jason mraz or colbie coliat or dave matthews band.. but she was a big fat disappointment. and so was one republic. whats with all the crappy singers?
hehe i punched tim in the armpit 4 times lol.. he never saw it coming.. next I'm going for those wrists *shifty eyes*
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