Filled with spelling errors because i was on my samsung s4 and havent gotten used to the swipe typing thing.

I dont like who I am when I am in relationship with my family. Tim said today in the car that I'm a lot happier when we arent. A lot less stressed and irritable. I dont cuss. . I dont have a reason to. Ive been cussing so much lately its like a second language. I dont like it but it spills out I feel like I have no control. I dont understand thrm snd I don't want to anymore. It was a look that finally did it. All it took was a look of disgust from the both of them that finally pushed me to see nothing will ever change. But its been a long time now since ive known how they really feel about me.. I just simcerely thought it could change. Because I had also changed a lot. I knew more about myself and dealt with thing s diffrrently. I knew how they felt but I thought since they leanred more about me and aspergers and themselves.. I thought we all grew. I first realized how they truly felt years ago. When I moved home after being engaged to tim the first time. Manuel lived there too. Money went missing twice and both times we hsd a family meeting.. and both times everyone denied it. And both times everyone concluded that I did it. That I had to have done it. Even though manuel was a pathological liar and pot smoking loser. But they blamed me and treated me like shit. They looked at me even worse thsn before. Then somehow it came out that it was manuel afterall. And no one ran to apologize.. my brother never apologized. And I had to pretty much comvince my mom to apologize and I still dont think she reslly gets how that affected me. Evrb if iy wasnt a know liar.. even if it was a stranger from church.. a stand up guy or girl... I still should have bren beoieved over them... ive bever stolen anything in my life. I never lied to their faces when asked directly. And they didnt just think I lied and stole from anyone .. they thought I was such a oiece of shit that I would actually steal from my family TWICE andlie about it. I thiught I could forgive and forget that. I cant and dint. I coukd havr if things had changrd... but ggiventhe same situation I know it would yeild the same results. Ive been having issues with my.mom giving everyone the benefit of the doubt my whole life. And lstely its a lot. And I cant take it. So I was already ready to pop when the diuble standards started gettung worse. But when I couldnt ven open my.mouthabout it.. I was done. I am done. We have tk wait till friday or even monday to move but wuen we do thats iy. I cannot do it. Its not healthy. Its not healthy for my mother either.. the stress gets her physically too.. even if her stress is caused by flawed logic. Its still stress and I shouldbt even fucking care. I care about tim and he deserves a happy wife. A happy life. Im dont care about how it looks or what people say anymore when they find out I dont talk to my family. I cant. Its become fact. This isnt even imcluding so much thats hapoejed thid last few days. I csnt get into it im too angry.