i hate being an adult sometimes. being an adult sometimes means being the bigger person. and when has that gotten me anywhere in the past? psh. walking away when you should fight. forgiving... or at least forgetting when the other person deserves everything but those things. but you know... sometimes its necessary i guess? i hate him. on every level. in every way. in every sense of the word i will now and forever whole heartedly hate everything about him. everything that represents him. everything he stands for. everything that reminds me of him until i forget. i will forever hate. i don't feel this way about any other human being in this world and that's a little amusing considering how much i dislike quite a few people. I've known my share of jack asses. but this person is beyond the simple definition of a jack ass. no, that term is too good for this person. this person doesn't get a name or term. just this feeling in my stomach of complete and utter disgust until i rot in the ground forever. having said this... I guess its time to stop. not that any harm would come to me. not that i would have to pay some sort of consequence like they think i would. tactics. lies. trying to scare me with nothing to base it on. the only consequence really would be having to deal with this person again. to see this person. and that is far worse than walking away from the situation altogether. walk. i will walk away and let this persons conscious eat away at his soul until he is nothing. I'd rather forget than have to see his pathetic excuse for a face one more time. to even think of it would be like stabbing myself in the eyes repeatedly.. I'd rather eat a porcupine (sounds silly but I imagine it'd be pretty unpleasant). I'd rather be attacked by rabid dogs. dinosaurs. but be in the same room with this person just once more in this lifetime? would be unbearable to anyone sane enough to tie their own shoe. for tim, for my own sanity and those reasons alone... i consider... at least for the time being and until further contemplation... putting my aggression on a shelf. and making the best of my new life. things are going really great. why soil a good thing with past annoyances? revenge? justice? yeah it would be nice but... story of my life... you don't always get what you want. i should have took action myself. i shouldn't have been as gracious as i was. i should have pressed charges for the actions against me. i was too weak. too naive. too set on protecting people i thought cared about me. fuck people. Tim is the only one who truly loves and cares about me and always will be. i love you snookybear. you are everything to me. you know how much i hate feeling helpless. you know that i can't stand it. more than anything. betrayal and pain and anger and anything.. i can take but i cannot stand to feel helpless. but i wont let this affect us anymore. and i am sorry if it has. you mean too much too me for a stupid act of revenge. i would give anything to send a flood... tsunami... tornado... hurricane??? right into Brett's house... but i can't. so fine. screw it. i am your wife and we can get through anything and i know you would stand by me in any decision i made. whichever way i chose to go in this situation, you would support it. but if there was just the smallest chance it could effect us, our future, at all... then it isn't worth it. i love you. and i need you. I am yours for the rest of our lives and none of this matters in when i really think about it.