he didnt even stay to make things better. why do i always ahve to make things better? its not my job. thats his job. i mean i am so confused lately. im scared and im just always.. i hate myself and i never feel ok. and he knows that. at least some. and yesterday he goes to his friends and thats fine. whatever. but he knows how worthless i feel and i dunno. i dont even care. and he told me we would go on a road trip to colorado. and weve been talking about it for a while. and then he got the days off work and he did it on purpose so i couldnt go. he doesnt want me to. and he knows i wanted to go and he bought a plane ticket and its stupid because why didnt he talk to his dad before he got my hopes all up. i mean im depressed and i feel trapped here.. does he not understand what that can do to me? talking about leaving this place for a long time with no mom and no stress.. and then oh yeah.. you cant go? and what am i going to do when he's gone? sit here and just go thru this all alone. but its not like it'd be any different anyways. i feel like im going thru it alone even when he is here. and i dont trust him. i try. but god. i dont know. i dont care anymore. i love him. it hurts getting hurt by someone you like. but its worse when its someone you love. and i cant take the fact that i feel alone.. even tho i have someone i love right there. but he doesnt love me enough to care. he doesnt. he's fooling himself if he thinks he does. so im going to do us both a favor and do whats best. im sure he'll appreciate it. i just think i should be alone right now. at least then i wouldnt expect anything.