I feel empty.

Went out to eat and then a movie with my mom. She talked about Dave. The movie was really cheesy. It was all great and then she did the same thing she always does.. "what's tim doing?"... "I dont know.. probably playing video games right now.."... "You guys should go out.. go do something!.. Go to dinner..." First of all.. we do that stuff... just because he's playing video games right this second doesnt mean yesterday we werent "out" but more than that... she just wont listen.. She keeps trying to "fix" this with me and tim spending more time together. We spend ALL our time together. That's the porblem right now. Time together is what I am trying to get away from and she just doesnt get it. I dont expect her to. Or anyone to.

She did ask about my trip when we were at dinner and about what I was going to do if I did leave tim. Which is what I dont get... I thought by saying that she "got it" but then she did the thing above right before we said goodbye. Anyways I told her about the peace corps and she told me that I should talk to my uncle Ricky because he did something called job corps but she didnt know what the difference was. So I might call him soon. It would give me an excuse to talk to him.. I always want to but I never know what to say to family. Except Hey hey look at that we're related.. woot.

But yeah... she asked about Tim's job and I told her its going really well. And he just got a 2% raise and getting overtime and he's doing great financially now because last year it was pretty crappy and all sorts of stuff is going well for him. I know it sounds weird but that's how I know all this is real. Because, at least for me, this sort of decision would never be easy to make... but maybe it would be easier if we were in a terrible place and we hated each other and we had all sorts of financial problems and things just sucked.. maybe then it might at least make sense at least to want it.. but things are great.. never been better.. and I still cant do it. I thought it might have to do with some factor but it doesnt.. it has nothing to do with him, or communication, or trust, or happiness, or things, or money or whatever else there is.. because every single one of those things have been at extreme highs and lows at one point in our marriage.. and still.

I dont want to write a novel tonight. I have too much to do.

I dont want to cry either so I should just go before I do.

I miss him.

andandand..

"You're Gonna Get Peep-Eye" I love that scene. I need a Chandler to jump on my back and save me from making an ass of myself. Ive been doing good but I need to leave soon because whatever it is making this so "easy" right now.. is starting to wear thin.