Hello fellow diary sitters.

What the actual hell right...

First of all. sorry in advance for the typos. there will be a lot because i nneed a new keybboard.

We all know the world is basically a bag of poop lit on fire right now. SO I'm not going to get into all that tonight. Plus it is almost 3am and I have some things to say and my back hurts.

So so so.. so so.. so. much has happened. But lets just skip ahead to the now. Joseph.

Well. Joseph was an unexpected surprise. A shock to the system. As the loves in my life usually tend to be. In not of. Yes, okay. We met on online. But. I wasn't looking for anyhing romantic. I wanted a friend. I was getting over DEniz. Not a FWB or anything. I just needed someone to talk to. So i matched with people i normally wouldnt have matched with. Not that he is unattractive. In fact... he's gorgeous to me. I think he's amazing and ajskdfhg the point is... if i had been looking for someone to potentially date or more... then i would not have matched with him because even as cute as i thoguht he was, he had neck tattoos. And, anyone who knew me before and basically ever since 2016, just knows that i am adamantly against guys with neck tattoos. Mostly because my ex max was a merth addict (and i didnt knnow) and his drug dealer was this creep guy.. with neck tattoos. So they jsut always put me off. And i developed a very real and strong prejudice against them for a long time. Enter Joe.

We started tallking right away and we had fun. He was sarcastic and funny. And the nexxt night idk i asked hwat he was doing and he said drinking whiskey and playing video games. I said. want company. I can see how you might see how this immediately just isnt going to end wel for the night or in general, and you sir, are well.. you have common sense.

uhg. i wont get into everything. But by the end of the night we kissed. And by the end of the week we had not had sex but i spent most nights at his place at his request. i had my guard up for the first 3 days saying i should block him bbecause he was dangerous. dangerous because i didnt want to like someone at the time. But he was so sweet and attentive and he has a sister with autism and a brother with ptsd and he seemed to just get me. and he was so affectionate. But there were some weird things going on. and he layed hot and cold. Like second he was really private and secretive abbout the weirdest things. and the netx we were spending holidays together and i'm wearing his PJs and he's calling me baby girl. we spent the whole month of decemebr together. at least most days. bbut i was coming out of some stuff. Rob. Deniz. And i had a lot of rtust issues. And he was going through a lot of things i didnt understand or know about. he gets very depressed in december and drinks a lot. we ended up stoping thi